Die Übersee Tour or The Overseers' Tour
2023
I gave five tours at the University of Arts Bremen where I was getting my master’s degree in Integrated Design.
I would start by quizzing the overseers about the history of the building. In the cafeteria, I would sing a song about Mensa food. In front of the coffee vending machine, I would ask volunteers to press the hot water button. On the balcony, the overseers were invited to blow bubbles and their hopes into the void. We also talked about classes, administration, and customs like the Academic Fifteen.
I would start by quizzing the overseers about the history of the building. In the cafeteria, I would sing a song about Mensa food. In front of the coffee vending machine, I would ask volunteers to press the hot water button. On the balcony, the overseers were invited to blow bubbles and their hopes into the void. We also talked about classes, administration, and customs like the Academic Fifteen.
Brochure
Posters
The Mensa Song (in the tune of Schubert's "Die Forelle"):
During my time at HfK, I learned that life can have meaning when I grant it one, and that making work is one way to achieve that. Therefore, I came up with the idea of the guided walk, where I tried to find ease and peace with myself and connect with other people.
Appendix: Script of The Übersee Tour or The Overseers’ Tour
Note: the following script was typed and edited from memory after I finished The Übersee Tours. Unlike this one, the tours I did in other places were mostly improvised.
Hi everyone! Welcome to The Übersee Tour or The Overseers’ Tour. I hope you all know what the word “oversee” means. If not, you will find out during the tour. I am your tour guide Wendy Lin for today, as you can see from my certified tour guide badge. Let’s first take a look at the brochure. Today we are going to cover the history of the Speicher building, featured food and drinks at HfK, facilities at HfK, The Seven Wonders of HfK, Student Life at HfK, and have a discussion about whether, when and where art actually happens at HfK. During the tour, feel free to take photos and make me famous. Ok. Los geht’s to our first stop, right over there under the container.
Does anybody know how old this building is? Very close. It’s 111 years old. And what was it used for? Yes, for storing cotton. And cotton from where? The U.S. In the second half of the 19th century, when around 1.2 million people emigrated to America from the ports of Bremen/Bremerhaven, cotton became an ideal return cargo. Here in the folder, I have included a historical picture. See these pulleys? The cargo was pulled into these openings. It was quite busy back then. And how many windows are there on this façade? 500. Just another useless fact, among the many we are going to cover today. You guys are lucky to have come here during the summer. In the winter it looks like this. One last question while we are outside. This building used to be two separate storehouses and it was joined at some point. Can you tell where it is? Yes, it’s the Mensa. Los geht’s to the Mensa!
Welcome to the Mensa, a nice little place where more than 500 art and design students have lunch together. Every day we are provided with two hot dishes, both vegan, three salads with three dressings, among which the Kräuter is most likely to run out, and a selection of desserts. Other than that, we also have two vending machines over here. One is for water with gas which cleanses your soul; the other is full of sweets which will energize your whole day. I just mentioned that both our dishes are vegan, but there is actually a way we can get beef here at the Mensa. Does anybody know? (Show card.) It’s the beefy! For only 85 cents you can have meat, or happiness for the day! Since I love the Mensa so much, I have prepared a Stück here. Make sure you can see my folder. Stay grounded. Here we go.
In our HfK Mensa, every day there are two Angebote
They are both vegan options, good for you and me and the earth
We have pasta, noodles, Knödel, and different kinds of potatoes
Rucola, mushrooms, tomatoes can go with every meal
Not only do they cost the same, they taste the same every day
There are days when we have something special, something for your soul
There’s porridge with cherry sauce and pancakes
Ach so, with strawberry sauce
And apple pie with vanilla
And mayonnaise and mayonnaise will make your day
I go to the Mensa every day to eat and feel complete
I go to the Mensa every day to eat and feel complete
Los geht’s to the second floor! We are going to take the stairs around the corner. Let’s make a brief stop on the staircase here. See that big white sculpture? Does anybody know what it is? It's actually an unidentified flying object which landed here a long time ago. It’s powered by sunlight. So most of the year, the engine cannot start. That’s why it’s resting there by the window, waiting to take people out of here.
The brochure in your hand is proudly printed here by one of the only two printers for student use at HfK. As you have noticed, there are some nice random yellow stripes on them, which adds a unique touch to your artwork.
This way. Does anyone know how long this corridor is? 400 meters. It takes me 4 minutes and 3 seconds to walk from Segment 1 to Segment 16. So when students arrive at the school, they are actually not there yet. But here people are chill, and there is no such thing as being late for a class. This notion of Academic Fifteen prevails in our school, which means that people automatically arrive 15 minutes late. But usually it’s not 15; sometimes it’s an hour, depending on the mood, the weather, or the mysterious mechanical conditions of the buses and trams.
Ok here we are at our one and only coffee vending machine at HfK. We have a wide selection of coffees with different proportions of water, sugar and caffeine, from black coffee, cappucino, to milk coffee, chai tea latte, to kaffee hell. I wonder what hell tastes like. Here someone has given us a tip – with a gentle push of the button you will get a nice hot and brown liquid called heißes Wasser. Anybody want to try heißes Wasser? Just one Euro! Ok nobody. I guess you all have higher standards and deserve better.
Have you wondered why the corridor is so dark? It’s not because we want to save electricity. It’s to remind us to find light through the dark at HfK.
Notice the neon green markings on the floor. Going to HfK is like going to marathon. Some people need 2 years to reach the finishing line, and some need 10.
Here we are at one of our many balconies at HfK, where students and staff smoke and contemplate on what to do for the rest of their lives. Does anybody know what this sculpture is for? Has anybody been to Rome? Here at HfK we also have a Mouth of Truth. Only those with true hearts dare to put their fingers in. Anybody want to give it a shot? Well, I guess you all have untrue hearts.
See that poster over there on the window with a leaf? Our task from now on is to find the leaf. The one who spots it first will get a prize.
Let’s take the staircase and go onto the third floor. Look, just some random heads lying around.
Here we are in another balcony. Does anybody know what these letters or characters mean? Remember that UFO we saw on the second floor? They are waiting for people to decode.
Here we are near one of The Seven Wonders of HfK. It’s on the brochure. Has anybody found it? This is the Erdauslaufbahn. It functions like the 9 ¾ platform in Harry Potter. Only the most miserable ones are able to find it and go through it. You know what? It’s from the same company as the UFO. People seem to have a need to get out of here.
Here in front of the silkscreen workshop, we have the second of the two snack vending machines. It features four flavors: Gemüsegeschmack, ooh ramen noodles, Hundegeschmack, hmm, yummy, Fleischgeschmack and Currygeschmack. Anybody want to turn the knob? Wow I just realized that the beefy here costs 20 cents less than the one downstairs.
Hold on, here very close we have yet another stop on the third floor. There are very welcoming messages and life-changing instructions in the bathrooms at HfK. For example, this one. I don’t even have to scan the QR code to go to hell; I’m already in it.
Let’s take the stairs to the fourth floor. Here we are in another balcony. But this one is different. For those who don’t have an answer to the meaning of their life, this person has pointed out a way: go home. I picked this spot for the tour because I do want to have a discussion here on whether art actually happens at HfK. If yes, when and where? Since we are all serious about art, here I have prepared a Stück. Ta-da! I would like to invite you to blow your wishes about your art and yourself out of this hole. Let’s close our eyes and take a little while to think. Anybody ready to blow their wishes into nothingness? Wow you have three wishes. I hope all of them come true.
Ok we forgot something. The leaf on the brochure is around here. At HfK the walls are so fertile that leaves grow from them and do not fall with the change of season. I hope your artworks can last longer than these leaves!
Now let’s go down to the first floor. Here on the first floor we have ceramics and metal workshops. This is the men’s bathroom. Here somebody has buried his face into the mirror, which is usually covered with graffiti. You don’t really see your face in the bathrooms at HfK because nobody cares.
Here we see another message on the door of the woodshop, “Most wanted: Please my darling give me soft touch!” How gentle. I wish somebody could say that to me. But most often people from the workshops will say, “Ich habe keine Zeit!” Especially this workshop, if you know what I mean.
Let’s stop at this statue. Does anybody know who this guy is? Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Guardian of HfK. The thing about him is that he dresses himself according to the season. On the brochure he is wearing a nice polo shirt. In the warmer summer days he is naked. The Hochschultage is the busiest time of the year when everybody all of a sudden works hard. The artworks you see in the Hochschultage exhibitions might last two days, or three, or four, or five days, but the wonders you see on this tour, like this Guardian, might last a little longer.
Ok this is about the end of the tour. I hope you learned nothing about HfK. Here are the gifts for those who found the leaf. It’s an empty bottle for you to save your tears at HfK, or memories, or kisses.
If you like this tour, feel free to send me money via Paypal by scanning this QR code. I also take cash. Thank you. Have a good rest of your life.
Note: the following script was typed and edited from memory after I finished The Übersee Tours. Unlike this one, the tours I did in other places were mostly improvised.
Hi everyone! Welcome to The Übersee Tour or The Overseers’ Tour. I hope you all know what the word “oversee” means. If not, you will find out during the tour. I am your tour guide Wendy Lin for today, as you can see from my certified tour guide badge. Let’s first take a look at the brochure. Today we are going to cover the history of the Speicher building, featured food and drinks at HfK, facilities at HfK, The Seven Wonders of HfK, Student Life at HfK, and have a discussion about whether, when and where art actually happens at HfK. During the tour, feel free to take photos and make me famous. Ok. Los geht’s to our first stop, right over there under the container.
Does anybody know how old this building is? Very close. It’s 111 years old. And what was it used for? Yes, for storing cotton. And cotton from where? The U.S. In the second half of the 19th century, when around 1.2 million people emigrated to America from the ports of Bremen/Bremerhaven, cotton became an ideal return cargo. Here in the folder, I have included a historical picture. See these pulleys? The cargo was pulled into these openings. It was quite busy back then. And how many windows are there on this façade? 500. Just another useless fact, among the many we are going to cover today. You guys are lucky to have come here during the summer. In the winter it looks like this. One last question while we are outside. This building used to be two separate storehouses and it was joined at some point. Can you tell where it is? Yes, it’s the Mensa. Los geht’s to the Mensa!
Welcome to the Mensa, a nice little place where more than 500 art and design students have lunch together. Every day we are provided with two hot dishes, both vegan, three salads with three dressings, among which the Kräuter is most likely to run out, and a selection of desserts. Other than that, we also have two vending machines over here. One is for water with gas which cleanses your soul; the other is full of sweets which will energize your whole day. I just mentioned that both our dishes are vegan, but there is actually a way we can get beef here at the Mensa. Does anybody know? (Show card.) It’s the beefy! For only 85 cents you can have meat, or happiness for the day! Since I love the Mensa so much, I have prepared a Stück here. Make sure you can see my folder. Stay grounded. Here we go.
In our HfK Mensa, every day there are two Angebote
They are both vegan options, good for you and me and the earth
We have pasta, noodles, Knödel, and different kinds of potatoes
Rucola, mushrooms, tomatoes can go with every meal
Not only do they cost the same, they taste the same every day
There are days when we have something special, something for your soul
There’s porridge with cherry sauce and pancakes
Ach so, with strawberry sauce
And apple pie with vanilla
And mayonnaise and mayonnaise will make your day
I go to the Mensa every day to eat and feel complete
I go to the Mensa every day to eat and feel complete
Los geht’s to the second floor! We are going to take the stairs around the corner. Let’s make a brief stop on the staircase here. See that big white sculpture? Does anybody know what it is? It's actually an unidentified flying object which landed here a long time ago. It’s powered by sunlight. So most of the year, the engine cannot start. That’s why it’s resting there by the window, waiting to take people out of here.
The brochure in your hand is proudly printed here by one of the only two printers for student use at HfK. As you have noticed, there are some nice random yellow stripes on them, which adds a unique touch to your artwork.
This way. Does anyone know how long this corridor is? 400 meters. It takes me 4 minutes and 3 seconds to walk from Segment 1 to Segment 16. So when students arrive at the school, they are actually not there yet. But here people are chill, and there is no such thing as being late for a class. This notion of Academic Fifteen prevails in our school, which means that people automatically arrive 15 minutes late. But usually it’s not 15; sometimes it’s an hour, depending on the mood, the weather, or the mysterious mechanical conditions of the buses and trams.
Ok here we are at our one and only coffee vending machine at HfK. We have a wide selection of coffees with different proportions of water, sugar and caffeine, from black coffee, cappucino, to milk coffee, chai tea latte, to kaffee hell. I wonder what hell tastes like. Here someone has given us a tip – with a gentle push of the button you will get a nice hot and brown liquid called heißes Wasser. Anybody want to try heißes Wasser? Just one Euro! Ok nobody. I guess you all have higher standards and deserve better.
Have you wondered why the corridor is so dark? It’s not because we want to save electricity. It’s to remind us to find light through the dark at HfK.
Notice the neon green markings on the floor. Going to HfK is like going to marathon. Some people need 2 years to reach the finishing line, and some need 10.
Here we are at one of our many balconies at HfK, where students and staff smoke and contemplate on what to do for the rest of their lives. Does anybody know what this sculpture is for? Has anybody been to Rome? Here at HfK we also have a Mouth of Truth. Only those with true hearts dare to put their fingers in. Anybody want to give it a shot? Well, I guess you all have untrue hearts.
See that poster over there on the window with a leaf? Our task from now on is to find the leaf. The one who spots it first will get a prize.
Let’s take the staircase and go onto the third floor. Look, just some random heads lying around.
Here we are in another balcony. Does anybody know what these letters or characters mean? Remember that UFO we saw on the second floor? They are waiting for people to decode.
Here we are near one of The Seven Wonders of HfK. It’s on the brochure. Has anybody found it? This is the Erdauslaufbahn. It functions like the 9 ¾ platform in Harry Potter. Only the most miserable ones are able to find it and go through it. You know what? It’s from the same company as the UFO. People seem to have a need to get out of here.
Here in front of the silkscreen workshop, we have the second of the two snack vending machines. It features four flavors: Gemüsegeschmack, ooh ramen noodles, Hundegeschmack, hmm, yummy, Fleischgeschmack and Currygeschmack. Anybody want to turn the knob? Wow I just realized that the beefy here costs 20 cents less than the one downstairs.
Hold on, here very close we have yet another stop on the third floor. There are very welcoming messages and life-changing instructions in the bathrooms at HfK. For example, this one. I don’t even have to scan the QR code to go to hell; I’m already in it.
Let’s take the stairs to the fourth floor. Here we are in another balcony. But this one is different. For those who don’t have an answer to the meaning of their life, this person has pointed out a way: go home. I picked this spot for the tour because I do want to have a discussion here on whether art actually happens at HfK. If yes, when and where? Since we are all serious about art, here I have prepared a Stück. Ta-da! I would like to invite you to blow your wishes about your art and yourself out of this hole. Let’s close our eyes and take a little while to think. Anybody ready to blow their wishes into nothingness? Wow you have three wishes. I hope all of them come true.
Ok we forgot something. The leaf on the brochure is around here. At HfK the walls are so fertile that leaves grow from them and do not fall with the change of season. I hope your artworks can last longer than these leaves!
Now let’s go down to the first floor. Here on the first floor we have ceramics and metal workshops. This is the men’s bathroom. Here somebody has buried his face into the mirror, which is usually covered with graffiti. You don’t really see your face in the bathrooms at HfK because nobody cares.
Here we see another message on the door of the woodshop, “Most wanted: Please my darling give me soft touch!” How gentle. I wish somebody could say that to me. But most often people from the workshops will say, “Ich habe keine Zeit!” Especially this workshop, if you know what I mean.
Let’s stop at this statue. Does anybody know who this guy is? Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Guardian of HfK. The thing about him is that he dresses himself according to the season. On the brochure he is wearing a nice polo shirt. In the warmer summer days he is naked. The Hochschultage is the busiest time of the year when everybody all of a sudden works hard. The artworks you see in the Hochschultage exhibitions might last two days, or three, or four, or five days, but the wonders you see on this tour, like this Guardian, might last a little longer.
Ok this is about the end of the tour. I hope you learned nothing about HfK. Here are the gifts for those who found the leaf. It’s an empty bottle for you to save your tears at HfK, or memories, or kisses.
If you like this tour, feel free to send me money via Paypal by scanning this QR code. I also take cash. Thank you. Have a good rest of your life.